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Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

How Momma Got Her Groove Back

Monday, January 3rd, 2011

Today is the first day back from winter break and I’m on fire (in a good way!). The kids had been out of school since December 22nd. The days and weeks leading up to that were filled with holiday activities and performances, so in some ways it felt as though the holidays lasted for much longer than they actually did.

I’m happy to say that I did a lot of things right this year, compared to years past. I can be a bit of a procrastinator on some things, which as we all know, can lead to lots of unnecessary stress, among other things.

This year, I put together a holiday shopping matrix in early November. I brainstormed gifts with hubby and kids and put together a gift list and budget that helped to keep things on track. It included everything from holiday outings to teacher gifts. It made every aspect of the holiday season more enjoyable. The extra preparation opened up more time in the weeks before the break to participate in activities at school and after school, something that had been a challenge at times in the past. There were fewer shopping trips and fewer spontaneous and last-minute purchases. Overall, I was left with more time and energy that I channeled into more meaningful things.

But, even with the extra preparation and the open time that it created, I found myself a bit out of sorts the past few days. Yesterday, while working side-by-side with my third grader who was finishing up a school project, I attempted to write several different pieces, purge email boxes, and tackle other things I wanted to get done. But, it just wasn’t happening. Folding laundry, on the other hand, was something I was able to conquer easily as I pondered what was amiss. It wasn’t until late in the afternoon, as we began to gear the kids up for going back to school today, that things really clicked.

I’m an introvert. A big introvert. And, as much as I love to spend time with my family, and as much as I looked forward to having them home for winter break, as much as I enjoyed the holidays, the outings and activities, I also was also missing something … my alone time. As a work-at-home mom, I’m accustomed to being the only one in the house for a chunk of the day. It’s time I need not only to work, but to have a bit of solitude as well. Not only did I miss that time, but I missed doing the activities that stimulate other parts of my brain, in addition to my heart.

Another big missing element was a regular routine. Gone were all of the usual cues to which the kids were accustomed for getting the day started, winding down at the end of the day, and everything else in between.  And, while I love and embrace opportunities to mix things up and to be spontaneous, especially during such a festive time of year, too long a stretch without consistency and structure can create a breeding ground for mischief. Over the years, I’ve really come to appreciate how valuable routines are in guiding behavior, managing expectations and demands, and in regulating the flow of the day.

So, today, as I celebrate the many success of the holiday season, I’ll also jot down a few notes on creative ways to incorporate comforting structure while also embracing opportunities for downtime and spontaneity as well, along with some alone time for me.

How about you? What were your successes this holiday season? What kinds of routines and structures helped you make the most of your winter break?

Carolyn
Work-Life Integration Coach & Consultant / Apply Within / @ApplyWithin
Chief Enterprising Mom / The Enterprising Moms / @EnterprisingMom

Snowed-In With Kids? Create an Idea Basket to Prevent Boredom

Friday, February 5th, 2010

bored-girl-xsmWe’ve been getting more snow than usual in the DC metro area (a little too reminiscent of my Boston days!). And while snow creates new opportunities for outdoor fun, there’s only so long one can stay outside before the wetness and cold seep in. After replacing soggy outerwear with comfy dry clothes and snowballs with hot chocolate, what are kids to do?

During that last big snow storm, when boredom set in, I gathered the kiddies for a little brainstorming session and we created an idea basket.

Huh? Well, we had to call it something, and that seemed to fit. Simply put, it’s a basket full of ideas and options … things to do when it seems like there’s absolutely nothing in the world of interest to do (and it’s a life-safer when you’re home-bound with the kids – for any reason!)

What You’ll Need

  • Index or note cards
  • Small envelopes
  • Pens, markers or crayons
  • Healthy dose of creativity

Getting Started

For me, there were two triggers:

  1. My seven year old declaring that there was absolutely nothing to do amidst a sea of options
  2. Discovering a plastic bin full of card and other small games that we’d completely forgotten

I mean, how could there be nothing to do with shelves and bins full of games, toys, activity kits, puzzles. But, to my daughter, except for a few choice things, they’d just become part of the furnishings.

So we came up with a creative way to find fun things to do on the fly … We wrote the name of each game on a card and stuck it in it’s own envelope, wrote the word ‘Games’ on each one and that got the basket started.

Then we started talking about random things we’d like to do … someday, like make hula skirts with newspaper, make sun catchers with the kit from last Christmas, create a time capsule, etc. (We keep a notebook in the kitchen to capture random ideas like this, so we pulled a bunch from there.) We put each of those ideas on a card and put each in it’s own envelope with the word ‘Activities’ on it.

We did the same for crafts: make bean bags, oobleck, play dough, crochet shoelaces, etc. Then we sorted the envelopes by category and put a clip around each category.

Now, when the kids are looking for something fun to do, we grab the idea basket. If they’re in the mood for crafts, we take the clip off the craft envelopes, spread them in the basket and then someone gets to pick an envelop. Same with games and activities.

The Payoff

The kids love the anticipation and the element of surprise. And, because they participated in the whole process, they get really excited about drawing an idea from the basket. The envelopes really add to the mystery and drama! Drawing from the basket also reduces spats around who gets to choose the game/activity/craft because selection is random. Now to decide who gets to draw the envelope …

Got a great tip for how to spend home-bound days? Please add yours in the comments section below.

Goodbye Kindergarten. Hello New Rituals!

Thursday, June 19th, 2008

school_bus.jpg

Yesterday was the big day. The last day of kindergarten! Pee-ba was pretty excited from the start of the day — especially since I promised a special outing for just the two of us.

It started with a special hand-made card signed by mom, dad, JoJo (little sister) and Loosh (little brother) that was decorated with stickers galore. We slipped it into her lunch box for a special mid-morning surprise. Next we did a special hair-do with fancy trimmings. And then, just as on the first day of school, the whole family swept her off to meet the bus. I couldn’t resist taking a few pictures to mark the occasion.

Several hours later, she bound off the bus anticipating our outing, which she continually referred to as our ‘out,’ with the excitement of the five year old she is! Her first question was, “can we go to the pool?” But, since we weren’t quite ready for swimming season yet (didn’t have all of our gear), and it was a tad cool for me, we’d have to take a pass. After some initial disappointment, she recalled our planned ‘out’ and the excitement and anticipation returned.

We started with some shopping to find a new bathing suit for her and found success at our first store (along with a new smaller handbag for mom!). Next, it was off to Target for some noodles for the pool. I might as well have just invented chocolate, she was so happy. We topped our afternoon off with an ice cream, which she savored slowly as we sat at under the cool cover of an umbrella at a sidewalk table and enjoyed the scenery. We topped it off with her favorites for dinner and games with Dad and her siblings before trotting off to bed with her noodle.

The day was so fulfilling, especially the one-on-one time with Pee-ba — and it was clear that she appreciated it as well. As a working mom of three, creating that one-on-one time for each child can be a challenge, but the pay-off is so immediate and so rich. In the span of an afternoon, Pee-ba and I established a new set of rituals for celebrating the last day of school that’ll we’ll repeat next year and adapt as she grows. And, this will serve as inspiration for special school-time rituals with her younger siblings as they grow into the school system. These rituals enrich our time together and serve as inspiration for creating the space for even more one-on-one time with each of little one.

How do you make the most of one-on-one time with you child/ren? And what role do rituals play?

Last Day of Kindergarten

Wednesday, June 18th, 2008

Tomorrow’s a pretty big day for me and my oldest child, Pee-ba (as her little brother calls her). It’s her last day of Kindergarten. It’s hard to fathom that an entire school year has passed. She has grown immensely. Truly. She’s learned so much in what seems like such a short time … She carries on conversations that I just can’t imagine I was capable of having at her age.

From her first days of school, I felt her tether stretch as she sailed out into her new world and returned with new thoughts, ideas, experiences, things; and then she would sail out again and return with even more. She formed real friendships with people that aren’t connected with me or her dad. I’ve come to know them partially from the time spent in the classroom, but much of what I know about them shows up in Priya — in the new dance moves I see her showing her little sister, the songs she sings in the car while we’re driving, in the things she asks for when we’re at a store and the little gifts she brings home.

All year long she’s said how much she loves Kindergarten and wants to stay there forever, if only. How innocent! How sweet! And now, she says she’s ready for it to be over. She doesn’t anticipate missing much about school, aside from friends. I’ve come to realize in recent days that it’s more about what she’s looking forward to (summer fun) than wanting school to end.

In some ways, the feeling is reminiscent of weaning. I’ve watched her grow so tall, so articulate, so curious and confident. She doesn’t cling as tightly as she used to. She has original thoughts and ideas and is persistent about expressing them. She’s really growing up. And, it’s bittersweet. I know all of the things that are beautiful, powerful and empowering about it; and I also know where this path leads. But, instead of borrowing from the future and focusing on what someday will no longer be, I’ll celebrate this milestone in a special way.

Stay tuned …

Coping with Stress

Wednesday, June 11th, 2008

Feeling a little stressed these days? The tight economy, unstable job and housing markets, escalating fuel prices and the ripple effects of each can leave one feeling anxious and uneasy.

On Tuesday, June 10th, I was featured in a segment on NBC4 Evening News entitled “Experts Offer Advice On Reducing Financial Stress.” It’s the second in a four-part series on managing stress during these tough economic times. In the piece, I offer tips and strategies for dealing with the stress and uncertainty that can come with an economic climate like the one we’re facing. In addition to the video, you can access a transcript online.

What are you doing to manage stress? Share your tips and tools here.

Transitions in Work-Life Integration

Friday, May 30th, 2008

I’ve been absent from my blog for several weeks! Earlier this spring I was offered a wonderful opportunity to be the business and operations manager (part-time) of the childcare center that my two younger children attend. I’ve long been very fond of the school and had been working with the founder and manager as a parent volunteer. This opportunity would enable me to have an even greater impact on the non-profit school and be in the presence of and have access to my kids, even while working.

It would also create another stream of income while providing a whopping discount on full-time child care for two kids. I’m entrepreneur with two active ventures (Apply Within and The Enterprising Moms) and a mom who chose to develop a portfolio career with multiple streams of income as a way of achieving better work-life integration. Because I made these decisions, in part, to have more time with the kids, I initially struggled with decision to enroll them in childcare full-time.

Finding the ideal childcare situation is one of the greater challenges that working parents face. I’m fortunate to have a place where I’m thrilled to send my kids and one that’s so philosophically aligned that I’d consider working there as well. This made considering full-time enrollment a bit easier. As a pondered my options, I realized that in this situation, full-time care is just that — an option. It’s there if I need it. I can use it or not depending on my work flow — the ultimate in childcare flexibility.

This flexibility would also give me some space to focus increased attention on my other ventures. It would enable me to have more dedicated time with the kids and with work while being fully present for each. It would also provide a more consistent rich, stimulating and educational environment for my kids. And so, I took the plunge!

It’s been a couple of months since I started and there have been some challenges, which is why I’ve been away. As with any transition, there’s a learning curve and lots of adjustments to make in many areas of our lives. New schedules and routines; new time constraints and logistics to consider. The dinner time crunch has been exactly that. I’m still working on figuring out that piece!

So that’s where I’ve been. I’m still fully dedicated to Apply Within and The Enterprising Moms and look forward to continued growth both businesses. This new opportunity has just added an additional dimension to my career and I’m honing some key skills that are useful in all arenas.

I haven’t quite worked out the right mix of work and play just yet, but the picture is getting clearer each day. Being highly flexible and adaptable is key in navigating this transition as things evolve.

Stay tuned …

Parenting: Conscious Discipline®

Sunday, March 9th, 2008

Tonight I attended the fifth in a series of eight workshops based on Dr. Becky Bailey’s Conscious Discipline® approach, which is deeply routed in emotional intelligence principles. I was hooked from the very first session. So much, in fact, that I’ve been arranging a sitter for the kids so that my husband and I can both attend (though it didn’t quite work out tonight). Each session starts with a review of previous sessions, followed by a little song and dance. Yes, that’s right, 25 or so adults all sing and dance to a kid’s song who’s lyrics help facilitate eye-hand coordination, get the blood flowing and activate the higher centers of the brain. While I groan each time we get the cue to rise and participate, I must admit that I’m a little more present and engaged upon returning to my seat.

I’m a big reader, or at least I used to be before kids. Since having kids and becoming a business-owner mom, most of my reading has been parenting, coaching or business related. So, I’ve read lots of books about child development, discipline and the like. And, while I do have some favorites, including Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child, by John Gottman, I’m sure once I get my hands on Becky Bailey’s books, they’ll be high on the list.

The workshops offer a multi-dimensional approach to understanding how our minds, and those of our children, work and offer concrete examples of how adjusting our interactions and communication styles based on where we and our children are in our brains, we can completely shift the dynamics in a situation gone awry.

One of the things that I love most about Dr. Bailey’s approach is that it’s about a way of being with our children. The concepts she teaches encourage parents and teachers to move away from reacting to our children and to their reactions. She suggests that by forming connections through eye contact, touch, song, tone of voice, etc. and engaging with our children from this place, we’ll preemptively address some of the attention-seeking behavior, for instance, and see more positive results.

What I love about applying the principles is that they really do work. Sometimes it feels like a little brain-twisting (mine, not the kids’) is required, but what’s really powerful is that it’s not about a particular incident or interaction. By creating an environment of conscious discipline in your home, you create a way of being within your family. It’s this way of being that results in a more positive and constructive environment all around. The results in our home are pretty evident, with several undesirable behaviors virtually eliminated! Things are by no means perfect, but we all are developing and honing a arsenal of skills and tools that will empower us in Conscious Discipline.

If you’re not familiar with Dr. Baily or Conscious Discipline, take a look. And if you’re able to attend a workshop series based on the Conscious Discipline approach, sign up without hesitation!

As Seen on NBC4 – Sick Kids … Working Parents

Friday, November 16th, 2007

It’s a dilemma faced by most working families: who stays home when the kids are sick? It can be a source of frustration and resentment in couples where one parent continually fulfills the role. And, it can create additional stresses in the workplace for that parent.

NBC4 recently addressed the topic and asked me to do so as well. They profiled one local working family in the DC Metro Area who actually had a child fall sick the morning of the taping. Read or watch their story, along with some commentary from me.

And, stay tuned for a more comprehensive look at the issue in upcoming article I’m writing. You’ll gain useful tips on deciding who stays home when the need arises. And, it will!

What’s the Next Action in Your Life or Career?

Monday, October 22nd, 2007

As I mentioned in my recent “Work, Life, Balance, Stuff” post, I’ve been reading and working with David Allen’s “Getting Things Done” system.

One of the key things I’ve gotten from the book (and there are many!) is the practice of determining the next action for any given item. Small question – ‘what’s the next action?’ – but the impact of implementing this small question when sorting through stuff is pretty impressive.

At first, I applied the question to email messages, phone calls, task lists, and so on, and it didn’t take long for me to feel a sense of flow. Like things were moving along, almost coasting – no longer tangled up a tension-filled, overwhelming knot. I began to see progress on projects that had been sitting around for months.

Feeling that sense of flow with the more tangible, practical things made me wonder what the impact might be in other areas of my life. Pretty soon, I was asking, ‘what’s the next action?’ in conversations with my husband about making Thanksgiving plans, and getting the house ready for a weekend visitor. But, the real gem came tonight, when shepherding my two girls (ages three and five) through the process of getting ready for bed. As they bounced off the walls, and off of each other, I continually asked, “what’s next?” until what had become a game for them came to an end with no tears or pouting.

And so, I ask you, where are you stuck? In your job? In your career? In your everyday life? Where are you feeling sluggish or overwhelmed? Got an answer? Good. Now answer the simple question… ‘what’s the next action?’ Literally, the very next action. Is it to make a phone call, have a conversation, do research, brainstorm, make a list? Whatever it is, take that next step, and then ask the question again, and again, and again. Soon enough, you’ll be feeling the flow and you’ll see how contagious it is – and how the momentum that you create can carry over into other aspects of your life as well.